Spotting Jesus at the World Cup
I can tell you right now that this post is not what you think. We here at Stc are avid soccer fans and thus watch as much of the World Cup as our schedules allow. We are only halfway through the group stage of the world’s biggest sporting event, and we have noticed an interesting fact about the players competing in South Africa right now: many of them could pass as Jesus.
Before you get offended, let me define something: by Jesus, we mean Jim Caviezel. True, no one knows EXACTLY what the Son of God looked like while He physically walked earth 2,000 years ago. We just happen to think a few of the world’s best footballers could be typecast as the lead in the sequel to The Passion of the Christ.
Our criteria are basically long hair and facial hair. Without any further ado…
10. Marcus Tulio Tanaka – Japan
We know, Jesus was most definitely not Asian, but neither was the lead singer of Journey. Ahem. Anyways, he meets the criteria (long hair and facial hair), but just barely so we put this Japanese defender last on our list.
9. Carlos Tevez – Argentina
Ok, so he might not have facial hair in this pic, but he has been known to sport a pretty nappy beard. He is probably the most talented player on this list, but we think he is a better lock to be a body double for Anthony Kiedis, the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. We know Jesus would have nothing to do with that sort of music. Amen.
8. Rigobert Song – Cameroon
If this were the “Players Who Look Most God-Like” post, he would place in the top 5 and it all has to do with this very picture. Put him in a glowing white robe and voila! Besides, African teams aren’t doing to well in the cup so far, we had to throw them a bone here.
7. Joshua Kennedy – Australia
This Aussie forward could also get a job at Guitar Center based on looks alone. The blonde hair, blue eyes keep him low on our list but he has a shot to move up if he can grow a little more and mix in a little Just For Men.
6. Pedro Mendes – Portugal
This Portugal midfielder is known for his hard play and willingness to sacrifice himself for the sake of his teammates… hmmm, sound familiar? Overall, the eyebrows could use some work, but he is definitely in running for 2014.
5. Andrea Pirlo – Italy
Pirlo is best known for his work as a MF for Serie A powerhouse AC Milan, but his 66 CAPs (national appearances) for Italy make him another one of the most talented players who happen to look like Jesus. We are not sure if it is relevant here or not but his nickname is Tinkerbell.
4. Hakan Yakin – Switzerland
How could we overlook a guy with that hair who wears a cross on his chest? Yakin is one of the most experienced players on this list and currently has the thickest beard. Look for this guy to move up if he can keep that hair growing.
3. Sotirios Kyrgiokos – Greece
Wow. This guy has all the intangibles to go with the criteria: he plays for Greece and the New Testament is written mostly in Greek, his number is 16 (which taken as digits, adds up to 7) and his name sort of sounds like speaking in tongues when you say it right.
2. Ariel Garce – Argentina
On looks alone, this Argentinian defender is a contender but look at his name: GARCE. Make the A and R switch places and his last name is what Jesus is all about… GRACE! That fact is too hard to ignore. However, he might be first if his parents didn’t name him after an animated Mermaid.
1. Georgios Samaras – Greece
And there you have it… our “World Cup Player Most Likely to be Mistaken for the Lord”. Samaras’ substitution against Nigeria was perhaps the turning point of the game. He set up a goal which later proved to be the game winner. His headshot is enough to put him on the top of our list, but his spot was sealed when my 5 year old son walked by the TV and saw this Greek forward and said, “Dad look! Jesus is playing soccer!”
