Where Have All the Men Gone?

by · May 4, 2010

I’m judgmental. Call it an instinct for survival to quickly size someone up, an insecurity, or just plain pride I tend to think I know you before I know you.  Just yesterday I was waiting patiently at the local tire center for my sweet new Michelin 205 55/R16′s when a lady walked in that I instantly sized-up.  She was all bedazzled out in her giant sparkly cross purse, studded black hat tilted just slightly, and mobile phone that rang some party tune from the 1970′s.  You know instantly what I thought?  I thought, “this lady is moderately involved in a local mega-church women’s ministry.”  Yeah, I’m judgmental.  But, it got me thinking about the contrast of men’s involvement in virtually every area of local mega-church ministries to women’s involvement at the same churches.  Where have all the men gone?

There’s a book called Why Men Hate Going to Church that I only made it about half-way thru just to pick up another book called, “Why Men Hate Reading.”  Ok, that second part was a lie, but, the first part is true.  The author spent much of his argument focused on the dominant feminine characteristics of the church.  I agree that mega-church culture has a tendency to be a bit on the dainty side, and as a result mega-churches are trying to overcorrect with programs and series intended to attract the fictitious, stereotypical man.  This man is about 6’2″, 225 lbs,  wears flannel shirts, subscribes to the Nascar channel and just happens to be a kickboxing logger who lives in the desert.  So, naturally, the church needs to cater to this man by creating over-the-top series’ and programs to engage this man and get his Aqua-Velva-splashing face through the door.

But, there are no loggers where I live.  In fact my guess is that the men that do live in the surrounding community neither want to fully engage in the local effeminate church culture nor be forced into a box of the stereotypical man.  Meanwhile, the women’s ministry is growing like gangbusters – involved all over the place and carrying much of the local church load.  So what’s a mega-church to do?

Simplify. Don’t assume who I am, don’t try to fix me, and don’t give me more to check off my list.  Here’s a few things you should know about me as a man:

  • I am not a good singer and don’t feel comfortable hitting the high notes that the modern worship leader with his tight jeans and deep v-neck carries with ease
  • I don’t like to lift my hands and spin around
  • I want to hang out with other guys but not in an environment where I’m pressured or expected to engage for the sole purpose of connecting and talk about my feelings
  • I don’t think about beer, sports, girls, sex and fighting all day long
  • I just spent a week solving problems, putting out fires, worrying about next week, stressing about my to-do list and going down the mental list of if I’ve been a good father, husband, employee, student, etc.  I really don’t want to feel like I’m not good enough because I haven’t plugged into the latest men’s group, mission trip or retreat
  • I have difficulty processing someone telling me I’m the bride of Christ
  • Words like engage, connect, amazing, spiritual growth, Bible study, prayer circle, feelings and “stand up and say hello to someone around you”  don’t quite have the effect on me that you’d hope
  • I don’t visit your website, Facebook or follow you on Twitter, so communicate with me some other way
  • I’m exhausted and I don’t want to feel judged

Men don’t need more programs, Facebook requests, and church to-do items to add to their list.  But, the church thinks they do and as a result pushes most men even further away.  I recognize there are a lot of men who do “plug in” to the local church, but, let’s be honest, it is completely disproportionate to the women.

So, where have all the men gone?  We are here, but we’re scared to death.  We’re scared to be judged and it’s all we can think about because we spend our days putting a face on and judging others.  We’re scared to commit to yet another thing because when we can’t meet the commitment we feel like a failure…and most of us already feel like failures at least once a week.  We’re hesitant to be categorized into a church program because we neither want to fit in a church box nor be labeled.

Believe it or not, guys WANT to connect with other guys, just not in the way the local church always wants us to. We desire that community – we were built for it.  But, we tend not to be maintainers. We don’t call each other to see how our week’s are going or how that “sin issue” is working out.  We need excuses to all be at the same place at the same time doing something other than engaging with each other – that will happen naturally between half times, commercial breaks or rest stops.  We need the location without the expectation.  Then, with a little love, encouragement and direction, you’ll see us at our best.  We will begin to want to engage in the local church because we are conquering side-by-side with other men.  Got a problem? We will solve it.  Got a mission’s trip where little kids are without water, being sexually abused or some other kind of injustice, we’ll knock down the door with such a passion to see things made right that you’ll likely need to restrain us.  Got a bunch of guys getting together to pray? Well…that’s a little more difficult but we’ll try our best.

So, local mega-church, you want to engage with us and make us a local and global force for Christ?  Put down the bedazzler and start real conversations with us.  We need it to be simple, non-threatening, and with as little expectation as possible.  Over time and mixed with some grace and truth you’ll see us gain confidence in not only our identity as a man but our identity as Christ-followers. And then we’ll start to engage.  We will invite our friends.  We might even put your church bumper sticker on our vehicles…but probably not.

Filed Under: Advocacy, Culture, Featured, Humor, Strategy

  • azbubba

    There's a lot of truth in what you're saying. I feel there is a great need for Christian men to focus on being genuine followers of Christ, living real but holy lives. A man fitting this description will be able to talk to other men openly and honestly. After building relationships, only then can we talk about church and how it fits our lives.

  • http://twitter.com/jeremysprague Jeremy

    I attended a small church in Phoenix that had a weirdly large number of young guys (20's & 30's) for a church. It was something I thought about a lot since it seemed unusual. My conclusion was that it was a result of how much responsibility and influence the young guys were given in the setting. I think in leadership situations, older men really put a limit on how much power the younger guys can have. It's a natural human thing, but I think we see the result in our churches that the younger guys can't get involved or into leadership without 'dad' types keeping them on a leash or trying to run the show. So, men just generally have less interest in church.

  • http://www.shrinkthechurch.com SHRINK the church

    Good perspective, Jeremy. I feel that a bit at my own church – a separation of sorts among guys. How do you think we start to get past it? Do the older men initiate that balancing act, or do the younger men rise up? Both? Is it in the culture?

  • garygilbert

    Brian, this is classic. I used to think and still do think along the same lines with many of your thoughts.

    For me the best thing I have done is pretty much let everyone know my history, my faults, my weaknesses etc. pretty much upfront from the main pastor to a child care worker and say “Take me as I am”. I say this because now everyone knows who I am, nothing to hide and I am completely comfortable saying no to this, yes to this etc. without having fear of anyone judging me. I have made mistakes in the past that I pray for God's forgiveness every day, as for everyone else, for lack of better terms “go pack sand”. I don't live for them, if anyone wants to judge me, knock yourselves out because I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!! I have someone else that I need to answer to who is just a little bit more important. I like beer, I love cigars, I love funny movies that are sometimes inappropriate, etc. the list goes on. The positive that God has done for me since April 16, 2006 is my list was endless before Him and he now continually works on my faults and that list continues to shrink.

    Now that I am comfortable with everyone knowing who I am, the absolute most positive thing that has made me see the church and other men in a different light is volunteering. The reason this has helped more than anything is I have met many other men coming from the same background who feel the same as you and I do about being judged etc. and I now have someone I can talk with, share a volunteer Sunday with, what ever and not talk church 24/7 because they are a lot like me. I have always thought men should all be involved in volunteering at the church to try and build on relationships outside of the worship center. For myself and other guys, volunteering is one of those “guy” things, you talk about. It's task orientated, it's regimented but fun, we have goals we need to meet and its only for an hour or two and then done!!

    Since starting my volunteering, I have since started a business with another church member, been to members houses and drank beer watched football and out to dinner with other volunteers all with no thoughts of wow I better watch what I say or do. I think this is where guys in the “mega church” are most effective, off campus, comfortable environment, golf course, dinner etc. We do not always need to be in a “study” in order for us to be right with God and effective. We may talk about the service, a mission, whatever but as for me and most of the guys I am with, we will never be Promise Keeper event kind of guys and I am definitely not judging those who are. Small groups of guys can be just as effective if not more effective than trying to get 50 of us together somewhere, that ain't going to happen 99 out of 100 times.

    Now don't get me wrong on any of the above, I truly want and strive to lead a Godly life and I do watch what I say or do in accordance with God as do my other “church friends” . The only thing difference that we know is for the most part guys will do it in small numbers and keep each other on the straight and arrow.

  • jeremyjernigan

    I think there is a lot to this subject. As a teaching pastor of a megachurch, I feel this burden all the time. Recently I tackled two issues that seem to be crucial to this conversation in my opinion:

    1) Stop expecting men to apologize for our masculinity. We live in a culture that stereotypes men as horrible fathers and husbands and then wonder why guys find it so hard to fulfill those roles. The truth is that marriages, families, and churches need the roles that only men can play and we need to focus on inviting guys into the areas where they are truly needed and believing in what they can accomplish.

    2) We need to acknowledge our inaccurate views of Jesus. For most men, it seems like we are asking the bland to lead the bland. Unless guys understand a right view of Jesus – following Him, or loving our wives like He loved the church, won't be appealing topics. He wasn't carrying a lamb with him at all times and constantly hugging children. Sadly, it seems He isn't represented well all that often.

  • http://www.alexandraevjen.com alexandra evjen

    great article, brian!

  • Brandon Troyer

    I think you hit the nail on the head with your last paragraph. Dudes aren’t looking for gimmicks or for “church.” Their looking for something real and descent. It seems at times that our church leaders are so churched that they almost completely forget what it’s like outside. People are looking for something that has meaning. Often they think the latest and greatest program will be just that but more often than not those programs turn out to be just “programs.” Don’t give me a structured hour and half where you kind of care about me then forget about me until next week. Don’t look at me as just another number, attendee, visitor or “non-believer.” See me for who I am and put your church face down and let me see you for who you are. How can we ever expect guys to open up of we aren’t willing to grow a pair and do it first.

  • http://www.shrinkthechurch.com SHRINK the church

    Jeremy, are the podcasts available online for how you approached the two issues you listed? We'd love to link to them.

  • RonnieM

    This is such a killer article, Brian. I've put my bedazzler down for just a second to process it all. And wow. Yes. I've been consistently thinking about this for some time now and you have hit the nail on the head. Here are a couple things I think:

    I think the fallout of marriages, absent fathers, or fathers who are in the home but still absent has caught up with us. Lack of discipleship – in family and in church has left us manless.

    I think that our culture doesn't value multi-generational experiences – in church or out. There's not much upward respect or downward respect – and respect is so highly valued by men that where respect is absent, so are men.

    I think there aren't just generational differences between men in the church, but cultural differences as well. We so much less homogeneous than before. So, a one-size fits all approach may work for 45 year old men's clothing, but it won't work for men's ministry or ministering to men. As women have become more “manly” and men become more “girly” we're all sliding toward the beige middle. No wonder it's hard to peg what men need or want. What I want at 36 years old is definitely not what my grandpa wants at 80 or what my junior high buddies want at 13.

    I LOVE what you said about feeling like failures. I think a lot of men carry this feeling into church and that makes it worse. I also think there are men who are very “can-do” but can't find a place where they “can do” anything. We've got to continue to streamline the ability for men to serve and lead and create – in traditional areas and some not so traditional areas.

    One huge thing I think I see a need for is men investing in younger guys. I just sat at a dinner that a dad threw for his 15 year old son. He invited the son's grandfather, brother, and 3 other men who had significantly impacted his life. They all went around the table sharing their insights into what it means to be a Godly man. It was priceless. And timeless. I can't help but imagine this 15 year old will grow to be what he'd seen modeled in his life. An active, invested, God fearing, passionate leader. He may wear low cut v-necks someday and sing high, but at least he will love Jesus and lead others in that journey.

    Our church also just invested 300 volunteers and thousands of dollars to reunite fathers in prison with their children. It's brought ridiculous healing. To the men in prison and the men in our own church. Already we're hearing that some of these fathers who've really met Jesus and been invested in are actually better fathers from prison than some fathers who are at home with their kids every night.

    If we continue to allow another generation of men to grow up without modeling Jesus to them, I think less and less men will connect with church and God. Women may follow women AND men, but right-wrong-or indifferent men have a hard time following women. I think the problem starts at home. And the solution starts there too. Once church gets that I think we'll see the boys and then the men come back.

    Brian, you're amazing. Keep writing these amazing thoughts. Brilliant!

  • jeremyjernigan

    Yeah, you can watch it online here.
    http://www.cccev.com/arena/Default.aspx?page=41…

    Jeremy Jernigan
    Teaching Pastor – Third Format | Central Christian Church, AZ
    http://cccev.com | http://thirdformat.com | http://tomorrowsreflection.com
    Follow me at http://twitter.com/jeremyjernigan

  • http://www.markdoebler.com Mark Doebler

    Brian… thanks for the article. I'm the head coach (pastor) at Second Chance Church in Peoria. We are striving to solve this issue in our church… but it's easy to get lost in the effort sometimes. This actually is very helpful to me… so thanks for putting it out there for all of us!

  • Paulf

    Great article Brian! I was just talking with our “men's ministry” guys yesterday and we all agreed that the typical stuff church's try just isn't working. We've got to think and approach this differently. You hit on what I've been feeling when you said, “We need excuses to all be at the same place at the same time doing something other than engaging with each other – that will happen naturally…” We didn't have quick solutions but we're wrestling with it. Thanks for addressing the issue and creating the discussion. Looking forward to everyone's comments.

  • justinanderson

    Lots of great thoughts here, from Brian and the commenters. My only addition is to say that when the leadership of a church has men who act like men, they will be able to attract and pastor other men. The men in the seats have to be able to see themselves in the pastors, or perhaps a slightly more God-centered version of themselves. As always, I think it starts at the top.

  • Steve Kilker

    Wow, your description of men makes them sound insecure, weak, frightened, afraid of being judged, and frankly it sounds like it's all about them; the church isn't catering to me, so I'll just not engage.

    I say suit up, show up, grow up, get involved just like the 12 apostles, real men from all sorts of backgrounds who got over themselves and became willing to follow their King into battle regardless of the danger. Oops, I guess that sounds judgemental, please don't cry.

  • http://joshuacody.net Joshua Cody

    I attend to a church of around 12 people, so put that grain of salt in your hand as you read this.

    I love men. Wait, wait, no. I love to hang out with other guys. I love to talk about my marriage. I love to talk about football. I love to run. I love to talk about why it is hard for guys to talk about what they feel. I love to camp. I love to talk about literature. I love to play frisbee. I love to talk about theology. I love to talk about technology.

    Pink church with floral carpets and whisper-prayer? You might be doing good things, but you missed out on me, and that's all right.

    MMA church with Braveheart illustration and pastor in jean shorts drinking a Budweiser? You might be doing great things, but you missed out on me, and that's all right.

    Your target audience can't be everyone. The Church has room for everyone. Your church does not.

    Brian, some of the things you mentioned about yourself don't hold true to me. Churches will drive themselves nuts trying to come up with an identity that all men love.

    Your church should know who they're trying to reach, let people know that the church will be perfect for no one, but they can help them connect with others in the Church to engage in hobbies and grow together.

  • http://twitter.com/BENKOLARCIK Ben Kolarcik

    Man, this is great! Convicting, funny, and so true. A breath of fresh air for myself and now something I will be sharing with our team..

    We know so much of this yet still fail to really implement it.. i think being in the church we're scared to do something without preaching or teaching or singing, thinking we're not doing our jobs… i think what epitomizes much of the disconnect in the way we do ministry is “Believe it or not, guys WANT to connect with other guys, just not in the way the local church always wants us to..”

    Keep it up..

  • Brandon Toyer

    Steve I agree with what you said in your first sentence. It does make men sound like that. Because they are. We all are.

    And I agree with what you said in your second thought. The only problem is those 12 fellas that stepped it up 2000 years had a pretty amazing guy pull them up and lead them. I think what Bryan is really trying to hit home here is that there isn’t any quality dudes leading, or at least quality dudes leading well, and thus you have men standing on the sideline wondering what to do or completely checking out. Jesus poured two years of his life into those 12 guys showing them what it meant to be a Christ follower. At the end of the day the head of the pack ,Peter, split when things got real tuff. It wasn’t until Christ came back to him after the resurrection that Peter and the disciples actually understood what it meant to follow him and what the costs would be.

    I don’t think he is simply writing this because he feels short changed or unfulfilled. Ill bet he started this debate because he sees countless fellas doing whatever and not being reached by the church. Ill bet his hope is that the we the church will get our heads out of our rears and began to reach the men around us that don’t know Christ and his salvation.

  • Bob

    Great article Brian… and the good news are we reaching men like never before. We have doubled our touch in men's lives from about 200 to about 500 men on a weekly basis in just the last 5 months and launched MAN CHURCH for men; a weekly venue in man language that is growing in numbers featuring pastors from across the valley and even across the country via video format. It is real and raw without over stereotyping men but it your mama's church. We are seeing men from all across the valley make MAN CHURCH they enjoy coming. We are seeing men with a hunger and passion to take up the cross and the battle for their families and we will host a men's conference for 1300 in October. We can talk about it or we can call men up and I believe God is moving in the hearts of men like never before.

  • http://www.meninaction.com.au Kerrie

    Cracker Brian! We've added this blog link to our website http://www.meninaction.com.au so that others use it as food for thought.

  • Steve Kilker

    Brandon, thanks for your thoughtful comments. Until men (and women) see the church as a battleship and not a cruise liner we will be mired in the discussion of how to cajole both genders into participation and service. Frankly, what I find to be true about myself is probably true about a lot of men. I am lazy. My allegience to convenience runs a mile deep and and a mile wide. I don't necessarily like to be challenged and I don't like accountablility (that's the honest word for I don't want to be judged). However, when on occasion I do break free of these defects of character, growth takes place. We (men and women) like to sit in judgement of the church and we recoil from that which requires something of us. Again, I say to the reticent, the frightened, the misunderstood, the lazy, and those who eschew accountability, suit up, show up, so that you will grow up! There is much kingdom work to be done if you are willing to get over yourself and submit to the authority of scripture and your appointed leaders. It is not about us. It is about Christ and His purposes.

  • Rick

    Too many churches seem to forget that Christ does the work in a life. He is the beginning and the end for every believer. Programs and gimmicks designed to “build the church” do little more than fill the pews with the unregenerate looking to have some need met. Focusing church energies and resources in meeting the “needs” of the unregenerate has questionable validity. That may sound harsh, but scripture clearly teaches that God builds His church, not man. Yes, the church has been charged with the great commission, but when people do not respond to the Word and refuse to enter into fellowship you have to consider the possibility that that person simply is not called of God (Rom 8:30). So doesn't it make sense that priority one for any church should simply be the unadulterated preaching of the Word, with integrity, leaving the outcome to Christ (Heb 4:12). After all, it is His Body.

  • Curt

    yep.

  • Emory

    If one is amazed men are not filling pews on Sundays, take a listen to some the pop praise music used to entertain Sunday morning crowds and the soft, incomplete descriptions of Jesus as a man. Jesus was a man; and we often only think of this in some deep theological Nicene Creed way of thinking of him as a man. But, he was a hardworking carpenter who most likely reeked of sweaty work. Often the praise music asks us to speak to Jesus like a woman would. I would never speak to a man, like I would speak to another woman, or my wife. Okay, we are supposed to love Jesus and he loves us, but what does that mean?
    Women enjoy sentiment—men can appreciate sentiment, but do not live there. When a man thinks that his only option of following Christ is to approach him sentimentally, it places a cast on the relationship that should not exist. It places men in an awkward position and makes effeminate the relationship between Christ and His Church. Yes, I know the church is the bride and Christ is the groom, but stick with me here.
    Jesus had many disciples besides the twelve, many who were women, but the twelve were men and he said things to them like, “Peter, do you love me?” Paul compliments Philemon on the “love and faith toward the Lord Jesus and all the saints.” John writes about love and is in fact “the beloved” of Jesus. What’s all this talk on love and men?
    Love in these contexts has little to do with affection and a lot to do with loyalty, allegiance, attachment, and bonding to others. In the New Testament, the group who pursues love in Christ is the church. The feelings and passions involved were decidedly not romantic. They were instead the dynamics of belonging and solidarity. And as feelings and emotions wavered in the face of more base passions, this solidarity and loyalty become even more important just as it does today. What kind of loyalty is this? It may be like hey I’m going with God, and Jesus, I’ll sit in the fox hole with you when the bombs start to fall.
    Loyalty and allegiance are things men understand. They certainly are things that could sustain a person’s commitment through hard times when the emotional components of love begin to swagger. In this way, when we say, “I love Christ”, we are really saying that we pledge our allegiance to Christ as our leader, our king. My criticism of the institutional church is in regard to how Jesus is not really the leader, but someone who is admired, but not really followed. It’s no wonder men waver in their commitment to following Jesus when much is talked about following but not really practiced. Only small band of soldiers pledging their allegiance to Jesus will win the day, not fields of armies camping in their own vastness and “loving” Jesus from afar.

  • http://thegodlyman.com Ken

    Couldn't have said it any better myself. It's like you read my mind! Reposted it on my website, thegodlyman.com.

    Thanks Brian,

  • http://www.shanesanchez.wordpress.com Shane Sanchez

    Great post. My wife and I are part of a local mega church here in Phoenix as well. I can see where this issue has came up to a certain extent, but I am working within the youth department so that brings a whole new set of challenges. We actually worked directly with the Men's Ministry at the church to form a curriculum for our guys youth small groups. It actually turned out great. We were able to adapt it to deal with masculinity and what it means to be a man in today's world but we tried to avoid some of the typical stereotypes and focus more on personal issues. I believe the MegaChurch has to be focused on the fathers and husbands sitting in the seats, but also the future fathers and husbands in youth and young adults. The influence a student experiences at church can very well define his masculinity in the future. Does he need to be a wimpy bedazzler, a logger, or maybe just more like Christ?

  • http://www.paulalexanderblog.com Paul Alexander

    Right on Brian, great post! Most men are scared to death of being found out…cuz the truth is we don't even get ourselves all that well, and there is some weird stuff lurking in our hearts (the scriptures would say our hearts are “desperately wicked”). Opening up and talking about feelings…dude most guys I know wouldn't know a feeling if it hit them right between the eyes. Great ideas Brian, proud of you man!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_CVCSFOA2IHZSHV6DX2SPHP5ABM Mark

    Pretty much on target. But I think you missed some key things we men want in a God thing: debate, truth, courage. Most of what comes from the pulpit is mush. Women seem to like mush, men don’t.

    Give me more sermons on why the incarnation of God into man is a mathematical mobius strip into which the finite can become the infinite … and you’ve got my interest. Use the word “relationship” one time, and I’m thinking about football.

  • David

    In Luke 9:23 Jesus says: “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.” This is an interesting statement that Jesus makes. Notice that he doesn’t mention, music, feelings, target audiences, age, sentimentality, leadership, right or wrong. It’s simple. If you wish to be a follower of the living God, you are going to have to deny yourself and take up your cross. God is not trying to make things nice or convenient for you. He’s not up in heaven worrying about whether you’re comfortable or not. Do you know why?

    Because it’s not about you. It has never been about you, and it will never be about you. It is about God’s son Jesus. Women get that because of their submissive nature. Men don’t get that.

    So, this conversation can go on until the cows come home, but it’s not going to change anything. The only way things are going to change is if men get over themselves, follow Luke 9:23, and submit fully to Jesus. Then we will see clearly that regardless of the church we attend the real worship happens in our hearts. Seeing God clearly will clearly lead us to being the men God wants us to become: spiritual leaders in our families, churches, communities, work, and relationships.

  • http://twitter.com/brianckaufman Brian Kaufman

    Agreed David, thanks for the comment!

  • Anonymous

    Although the premise of your comment is true… We HAVE to go to the people. Jesus didn’t say that in Luke 9 expecting people to come find Him. He went to the people and met them where they were. So having the attitude that men just need to get over themselves doesn’t help because these men aren’t aware that this is a problem.

    The only real solution is for us to deny ourselves, take the message to the people, and then let God work.

  • Dwcmail

    Absolutely. And just for the record, I’m on your side. We struggle with the same issues at our church. It is frustrating to see 600 to 700 men walk into church each weekend, sit in the congregation, worship God, leave after the service, and not engage again until the next Sunday. It’s frustrating to see all the married women coming to church with their children each week, but w/out their husbands.

    However, the conversation we are having here is why men do not attend church. They are not being reached because we men are not being spiritual leaders in our families, churches, communities, work and other relationships. I’ve seen it. When a man stands up for Jesus to lead his family, it’s not long before his wife and children follow his lead. I have buddies that have lead their parents and siblings into a relationship with Jesus. And while I’m digging this hole, we all know, or should know, that it is not the church’s job to feed you spiritually. Church is where we fellowship and worship the living God. Here are a few verses to ponder:

    1. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready.
    (1 Corinthians 3:2)
    2. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!
    (Hebrews 5:12)
    3. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
    (Hebrews 5:14)
    We do everything we can in our church to feed the congregation as God leads. Sometimes it’s milk and sometimes it’s solid food. But as you can see from Hebrews 5:14, solid food is for the mature, “who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.”

    I believe what Mark Kaufman said is true – Men have lost their identity. And that’s because Men have lost identity with God.

  • Jason

    So… I want to point out a little irony here (all in good fun)… You said: “I don’t visit your website, Facebook or follow you on Twitter, so communicate with me some other way.” Kind of ironic that you encourage me to follow you on twitter, facebook, and to visit your web site… or maybe that was just for the women who read this post!

    I do like most of the hard hitting comments… but it still seems short on solutions. I don’t think we can do nothing, but that’s kind of where your article leaves me. In other words, it sounds like you’re saying we have to be afraid of starting something because men might “feel like a failure” if they attend. It is true, so many groups want to “offer men” a challenge… when in fact, it only sounds like more condemnation (which I’m not in favor of doing either).

    I was influenced when I was 19 by some “older guys” (they probably weren’t as old as I think they were) who were just authentic. It was back in the Promise Keeper days. They didn’t do anything more than stand up for what they believed in, and didn’t put any pressure on me to be perfect. They initiated it without asking the church for permission… just some guys who were interested in making disciples. Why does the church (which is really the people anyway) — or the institution — have to initiate everything?

    I guess what I’m saying is this: we have a fine line between operating poor mens’ ministries, and not asking men to aim higher. Enough of letting guys off of the hook… we make way too many excuses for why we “can’t” do something. Let’s drop the word MEN from Mens’ ministry and just call it… ministry… sounds too much like a special interest group anyway. Guys, we need to just DO SOMETHING and invite other guys to come along.

    Thanks for starting the discussion.